Quips

• "A witty saying proves nothing." Voltaire
• heavy, adj.: Seduced by the chocolate side of the force.
• "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." Douglas Adams
• "Men tire themselves in pursuit of rest." Laurence Sterne, English author (1713-1768)
• "Never believe in anything until it has been officially denied." Otto von Bismarck
• "No one ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the American people." P. T. Barnum
• "Problems with grammar have I." Yoda
• "To punish me for my contempt for authority, fate made me an authority myself." Albert Einstien
• "To understand recursion, one must first understand recursion."
• "We are all worms, but I do believe I am a glow-worm." Winston S. Churchill
• "Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?" H. M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927
• "Work is the curse of the drinking classes"
• "Yield to temptation, it may not pass your way again." L. Long
• "Hello World", 17 errors, 31 warnings
• "No, 'Eureka!' is Greek for 'this bath is too hot!"
• 1+1=3 for very large values of 1
• 2b || !2b
• A chicken is an egg's way of making more eggs.
• A picture is worth a thousand words, 1000 words takes about 5K, therefore no picture should be larger than 5K.
• A rhinoceros is a horse designed to military specification.
• All generalizations are false.
• America - The only country to have passed from barbarism to decadence without the intervening period of civilisation.
• And on the 8th day He said, OK Murphy, you take over.
• As a development process, chaos does not scale well.
• Beaten paths are for beaten men...
• Beauty, Intelligence, Personality, Availablity. Pick any 2.
• But I honestly cannot trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.
• Do not meddle in the affairs of sysadmins, for they are quick to anger and have not need for subtlety.
• Due to cutbacks, the light at the end of the tunnel is temporarily out of service.
• Everyone brings joy to this world - some by arriving, most by leaving.
• Everything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening. Or priced well out of your range.
• Evolution is chaos with feedback.
• "First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win." Ghandi
• How to make COBOL a great language? Remove "OBOL".
• How to make God laugh: tell him your plans.
• Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool.
• A woman was in love with fourteen soldiers. It was clearly platoonic.
• It's bad luck to be superstitious.
• To err is human, to moo - bovine.
• Gravity is a myth, the earth sucks!
• Happiness is just compensation for stupidity.
• It is a great tragedy that we don't have all the music ever written, but it is a greater victory that we don't have all of the music ever written.
• "Committee, n.: A group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done." Fred Allen
• The most frightening thing about professional wrestling is that some of its fans are registered voters.
• "The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance." Robert R. Coveyou, Oak Ridge National Laboratory
• "The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim." Edsgar W. Dijkstra
• A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a workstation...
• "Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again." F. P. Jones
• Smith & Wesson - The original point and click interface.
• drug, n: A substance that, injected into a rat, produces a scientific paper.
• "I never forget a face........But in your case, I`ll make an exception" Groucho Marx
• "Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down." Woody Allen
• "We're sysadmins. To us, data is a protocol-overhead." Måns Nilsson (mansaxel-at-sunet.se)
• Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
• "Power corrupts; PowerPoint corrupts absolutely." Vinton Cerf
• "A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer." Robert Frost
• Concept, n.: Any "idea" for which an outside consultant billed you more than $25,000.
• By doing just a little every day, you can gradually let the task completely overwhelm you.
• "Life is a concentration camp. You're stuck here and there's no way out and you can only rage impotently against your persecutors." Woody Allen
• We can predict everything, except the future...
• Most people have two reasons for doing anything - a good reason, and the real reason.
• "The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public." Sir George Jessel
• Experiments must be reproducible; they should all fail in the same way.
• "For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility fill." R. Clopton
• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
• "What is wanted is not the will to believe, but the will to find out, which is the exact opposite." Bertrand Russell, "Skeptical Essays", 1928
• unzip;strip;touch;finger;mount;fsck;more;yes;unmount;sleep
• Economists are still trying to figure out why the girls with the least principle draw the most interest.
• Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
• "Unix is very simple, but it takes a genius to understand the simplicity." Dennis Ritchie
• "If you keep your mind sufficiently open, people will throw a lot of rubbish into it." William Orton
• Most people want either less corruption or more of a chance to participate in it.
• "Some people say a front-engine car handles best. Some people say a rear-engine car handles best. I say a rented car handles best." P.J. O'Rourke
• "Outlook not so good." That magic 8-ball knows everything! I'll ask about Exchange Server next.
• "A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices." William James
• "A fanatic is a person who can't change his mind and won't change the subject." Winston Churchill
• "Youth is such a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children." George Bernard Shaw
• Gods are fragile things; they may be killed by a whiff of science or a dose of common sense.
• "The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven." Mark Twain
• "Higher beings from outer space may not want to tell us the secrets of life, because we're not ready. But maybe they'll change their tune after a little torture." Jack Handey
• Kill -9 'em all, let root@localhost sort 'em out.
• You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, The Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the US of arrogance, and Germany doesn't want to go to war.
• A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
• Being a sysadmin is like being the parent whose two year-old never grows up.
• "It's not a bald spot, it's a solar panel for a sex-machine."
• "Nice boy, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice." Foghorn Leghorn
• DISCLAIMER: Microsoft, Windows, the Blue Screen of Death, Bugs, Malfunctions, Missing Features and Bad Support are registered trademarks of Microsoft Corp. "for" is a trademark of Microsoft Corp. Linux will be a registered trademark of Microsoft Corp as soon as the government accepts the bribes.
• "The universe is like a safe to which there is a combination - but the combination is locked up in the safe." Peter DeVries
• Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.
• "Never send a human to do a machine's job." Agent Smith
• "Smoking helps you lose weight - one lung at a time" A. E. Neumann
• "Backups are for wimps. Real men upload their data to an FTP site and have everyone else mirror it." Linus Torvalds
• "Diplomacy is the art of letting the other party have things your way." Daniele Vare
• "When asked by an anthropologist what the Indians called America before the white men came, an Indian said simply 'Ours'." Vine Deloria, Jr.
• "Not only is God dead, but just try to find a plumber on weekends." Woody Allen
• "Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to?" Clarence Darrow
• "Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself." Mark Twain
• "Politics - the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich by promising to protect each from the other." Oscar Ameringer
• "Experience is not what happens to you; it is what you do with what happens to you." Aldous Huxley
• "Around the survivors a perimeter create." Yoda
• "A woman may very well form a friendship with a man, but for this to endure, it must be assisted by a little physical antipathy." Nietzsche
• SELECT boobs FROM under_the_shirt WHERE gender = 'female' AND size > 'enough' AND leftsize = rightsize LIMIT 2 AND shape LIKE 'sphere' AND isSillicon = FALSE ORDER BY size DESC
• "Nothing was broken, and it's been fixed." Jon Carroll
• "Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember." Oscar Levant
• "Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods." H. L. Mencken
• " There are two ways of constructing a software design: one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies; the other is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies." C. A. R. Hoare
• "The methods now being used to merchandise the political candidate as though he were a deodorant positively guarantee the electorate against ever hearing the truth about anything." Aldous Huxley
• "Physics is to math what sex is to masturbation." Richard Feynman
• "The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us." Calvin and Hobbes
• "Find a bug in a program, and fix it, and the program will work today. Show the program how to find and fix a bug, and the program will work forever." Oliver G. Selfridge
• "In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite." Paul Dirac